change

“you don’t have to change a thing the world can change its heart.”

Change is the only constant thing”. That’s a popular saying, its inevitable and everything and everyone changes both physically and mentally its just the way the universe works.

That said, what of when we make the conscious decision to change. When we decide that our present state isn’t what we want to be, we want to be different. That too is inevitable and necessary because we might observe certain things about ourselves that we don’t like at some point in our lives and its okay to make a conscious effort to want to change those things.

Now the question is why. why do you want to change those traits? You think its bad? Who told you the character about you that makes you is bad? Who gave them that authority to tell you or make you feel that its bad? You want to change your physical appearance? Why? Whether you are changing from fat to skinny intentionally or whether you are enlarging your titties ask yourself the reason why you want to do that, why do you feel your natural self is so bad or unacceptable that you must change it.

Before we make a change on ourselves, we must ask yourself who really the change is for. You must search deeply and answer that question truthfully.

The perfect answer would be telling yourself and everyone else that the change is for yourself and yourself alone and that you do not care what anyone else thinks. That my friend is usually a lie. As humans, we hardly make decisions let alone intentionally change ourselves for ourselves. We usually make changes for people, to become more acceptable, to become likable. We might say that we are getting that boob job to feel more confident, but what exactly is stopping you from being confident with your current body?

I am not saying that change is bad but first you must embrace yourself, your flaws, strengths and weaknesses. That is what makes you. Do not feel you have to be like everyone else. That is were a lot of us get it wrong. We were not made to be like the next person. We are called individuals for a reason. We are all different. Even identical twins differ, apart from the discomfort of being joined with another human being and the health implications, seismic twins are separated also because they have different likes and behaviours that do not entirely fit with the other twin so to pursue this different life they must be separated. It is common for us to hear embrace diversity in our world today. To really embrace diversity, we must understand that diversity doesn’t only refer to the physical that is our race, gender or sexual preference. It also refers to our behaviors. The way two people would respond to different situations is different even though these two people are more or less the same, that is same race, gender and age, and that in itself is diversity. No response is entirely wrong it is just different and understanding our difference, embracing our difference and applying it is strength.

I am not saying that it is wrong to change but if the trait that you are trying to change does not hurt you or anyone else then do not change. Remain you. Learn more about yourself and excel and flourish in that self knowledge.

A short story

I always tell people that I lost myself early on in life because I used to try to please people thankfully I made a conscious decision to stop. I was the kind of person that knew how to laugh. There was nothing any one could say that would make me mad especially a stranger. I would always find a way to make a joke or a funny statement out of and because of this I attracted a lot of people mostly acquaintances because I was friendly.

Then I met a boy. At first, we were awesome together. Young boundless love. We were inseparable. As time went on, he decided to tell me that I was too friendly with people. I did not see a problem with this in the beginning but he made good points at that time. He said that people would take me for granted and people would disrespect me because I was too friendly.

I was so clouded by my feelings for me that I failed to understand that no matter what, people would always find a reason to be disrespectful so I might as well be myself and keep on putting smiles on the faces of people. But then I wanted to please him so much that I decided to change. I decided to stop being that nice person I was. I stopped saying hi to people, started being unfriendly, I even stopped smiling in pictures. Stupid right? I know.

But I wanted so much to be worthy of my boyfriend so I decided to change. I kept telling myself that this change was for me and for no one else. I started thinking of all the times people capitalized on my niceness and took me for granted and I said I am going to change my attitude for myself. And well I did and that was the beginning of my self loss.

A lot of people might read the above story and proceed to judge me and think that I am someone that doesn’t act for herself. Well you are right. At least at that point in my life when this story happened I was very impressionable.

The scenario might be quite different for a lot of you. You might still be convincing yourself that you are the reason for your change. There is nothing wrong with change. But ask yourself the real reason before you make your change. Be truthful about it and remember the worst person to lie to is yourself. Also understand that there is nothing wrong with your attitude now. No one was given the right to look at you and decide your behaviour isn’t right. You are different and if they cannot learn to live with that they should take the next door out of your life.

I must emphasize that I am focusing on behaviors, traits and physical attributes that do not harm ourselves or others. If you have a habit that is causing you health issues like smoking, or that is causing harm to others like stalking or harming others then changing is the right step.

If not, remain you, don’t let anyone say you are too rude, or too soft, or too friendly or too calm or too trustworthy or not trustworthy. If people complain about your attitude and want you to change for the “better”. First, examine yourself and make sure the behavior doesn’t harm you or others and if it doesn’t then please remain fabulous in you. There is nothing wrong about you. You do not have to change a thing, let the world change its heart. Let the world be more accepting of who you are. They tell us each time that to excel in business you must be different but people want and except everyone to act a certain way. That cannot work. Let the world appreciate the beauty of our difference. Be free to act the way you want to act. Let no one tell you that your attitude or response to situation is the wrong one. If you are a person that hates music or cooking or playing or having conversations then by all means hate it. You might make something out of that. Don’t let some music lover tell you that hating music is the root of your problems and you should love music. It is good to expand your horizon, granted but do not forget who you are in the process. Be you. Hate what you want to hate and love what you want to love. Understand the difference in people and the difference in yourself and cling to it and love it. Let no one tell you your look or your behavior is wrong, they have no right.

Stereotypes are evil. As women, we are expected to act a certain way. I and a lot of other women beg to differ. There are women that are natural nurturers, they are caring and always want to help. That is nice for them. But there are others, they cannot cook to save their lives they would rather watch sports on TV or play video games or even fix cars. Would people now tell this women that they are not real women. That their behaviors and likes are not like other women and so they must change. Never. Do not change your behavior or attitude for anyone. You are beautiful. You are amazing just the way you are. So, excel and rule in your difference.